Shannon and I realized after we wrapped on the Viscera commercials that it had been almost a year since the first time we had actually discussed the commercials. I’m so happy that we finally got them done and I’m 100% convinced that there was a reason it took as long as it did and that the circumstances were meant to be. I was a bit bummed out because Heidi and Ivy were ill for the shoot and couldn’t make it, however, the team we had worked perfectly. I can’t wait to get something that I can post here. I’ll be doing the thank you cards soon for the handful of donors we got, who I’m so so so so grateful for! There were very important elements I would not have been able to have if it weren’t for that so thank you so much. I’m also so grateful for everyone that participated! I can’t express my gratitude enough! I couldn’t have done this alone, obviously, so thank you so much for all your help!!!
Now that I’ve finally got that over with, the bug is in me more and after working with Jim Kunz, my Director of Photography for the project, I can’t wait to work with him again. We shot everything on green screen and I must say I’m very happy with how it turned out and now can’t wait to see what happens in post! I’m nervous but excited at the same time. This is my first try with the green screen so there’s much to be feared but I think Jim did a great job and was very knowledgeable about everything so that is all a plus.
As a total geeky personal accomplishment, in addition to playing Fable again, I’m now completely caught up on the Sons of Anarchy and so pissed I only got 3 seasons. I need more. That being said, this damn song (below) has been stuck in my head now for the past few days and I’m looking for suggestions for the next series to marathon through. I love my ‘day job’ where I get to just sit in my pajamas and do whatever. Leaves me lots of free time to watch whatever while I work. Throw me some ideas people…
World War II could not have been anything short of horrific for those that were there. Poland alone lost over 16% of it’s population which means that 1 out 6 people living in Poland at the time lost their life from that war and in total, over 78,500,000 people died in that war from 1937 to 1945. Even my family tree lost some valuable limbs as soldiers and unfortunate casualties, even some in the concentration camps. Two years into this tragedy, comedian Charlie Chaplin wrote, directed and starred in the film “The Great Dictator” which was intended as a parody on Hitler. In his character’s closing speech, he said some very valuable things that should have been listened to closer by the people in power at the time. Sadly, they continued on for another 5 years.
I hope that someday we will look at the wisdom of the “hippies” and that all of us will learn to play nice and we can truly thrive as a species on this planet. Here is his closing speech and please listen carefully at how prophetic it was even back then.
This film is very near and dear to my heart. A very good friend of mine (and one of my “soul siblings”) wrote, produced and directed this absolutely beautiful film and I’ve wanted to help him in every way I can to help so many others. ”3 Magic Words” is one of the greatest documentaries I’ve seen in a long time and I’m proud to say that Michael Perlin, the filmmaker, just scored a sweet deal that most indie filmmakers will never get. That being said, the film still needs the word spread. The film is being released all over North America on March 6th and I hope you’ll think about picking up a copy and not just to support him, but to enlighten and grow yourself as well. Here is the information on the film:
“3 Magic Words”, a Documentary/Drama that explores the metaphysical realms of life on planet Earth and weaves together a tapestry of new age thought, philosophy, quantum physics, cosmology, geometry, ancient mystical teachings and a new discovery about consciousness that could change the way we currently perceive our lives and the world around us.
Is there an ancient wisdom about the energetic connection humans have with all matter on the Earth and in the entire Universe? The scientific point of view assumes that energy is simply just energy without any intelligence whatsoever. The spiritual point of view is that all energy is imprinted with consciousness. The movie takes you on a magical trip into consciousness at both the microcosmic and macrocosmic levels as it taps you into a communion with the very fabric of the energy within all things.
“3 Magic Words”, is a film that combines documentary-style interviews, computer-animated graphics, and a narrative that addresses life’s biggest questions; “Who am I?” “Why am I here?” The featured guests range from best-selling authors to spiritual leaders, and even some child prodigies. The guests include; Neale Donald Walsch, (#1 New York Times best-selling author, Ishmael Tetteh (Spiritual Leader of Ghana), Debbie Ford (#1 New York Times best-selling author), Gary Renard (#1 New York Times best-selling author), Nassim Haramein (Theoretical Physicist), Dr. Zhi Gang Sha (Spiritual Healer), and many more.
“3 Magic Words” appeals to both children and adults, as it is presented in a very simple, easy to understand format using a creative combination of animation, music, special effects and famous quotes by the great philosophers and spiritual leaders of our time, including; Ernest Holmes, Plato, Gandhi, Buddha, Moses, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Jesus, and many more.
The film’s message is intended to inspire, and enlighten the human spirit to encourage greater participation in spiritual, environmental and universal issues. The timing of this film is most opportune given the current success of the recent “self-help” docu-dramas; “What The Bleep Do we know?” and “The Secret”. “3 Magic Words” can help pave the way for more enlightening independent projects that advance important messages for the education and spiritual empowerment of humanity. Hollywood is now actively embracing and promoting New-Age themes. Many independent films are now being released that help people live happier lives. There is a new trend that is taking off in the genre of docu-dramas and in the future it is very likely that we will be seeing more inspirational films coming from the major studios and television networks. Timing and fate seem to rest on the side of films about personal transformation and human potential as expressed in “3 Magic Words”. The Golden Age of Aquarius is here and it is time to prepare for a new era in consciousness. This film is a transformational experience and can change your life and your view of the world. In March, “3 Magic Words” will be available on Earth in DVD and VOD format. Look for it on Netflix, Amazon, Itunes, and many more.
I haven’t written in awhile because there’s been so much going on. I can’t believe how crazy it’s been. I don’t think anyone would want my life to be honest. Between my ‘day job’ (which is actually a night job), several upcoming productions including the Viscera commercials and my daughter’s first movie that she wrote and wants to direct, daily life stuff, relationship stuff and all that, I feel like I can barely breathe sometimes, but it’s all going well and that’s all that matters. Run on sentence.
Next weekend I’m shooting the commercials and I’m very excited about that! I will be working with Shannon Lark, Heidi Martinuzzi, Ivy Pemberton, Grace Lee, Tara Cardinal and Stacy Pippi Hammon to bring to life the amazing artwork of Irene Langholm from Norway. I’ve picked 14 images that I’ll be shooting on green screen and we have an amazing visual effects artist, Enrique Ochoa who I’m also a fan of already. So far things are going pretty smoothly but even with such short notice I have to find a director of photography still so that’s kind of a pain in the ass but I know it’s gonna happen. I’m comfortable in my own green screen and lighting knowledge but I just need someone I can trust that won’t make my girls feel uncomfortable since there is some nudity involved. Thank the Universe for closed sets.
On another note, for those of you interested and in the area, the flyer on the top of this post is a Women In Horror Month event. It is an awesome bloody carpet event to scan potential bone marrow donors. All you have to do is get your mouth swabbed and then everything else can be taken care of later. Free food, drinks and fun times. It’s all being put on by the Viscera Organization in conjunction with Femme Fatale and the Cella Gallery and is for a great cause! I’ll be there and so will many other horror genre filmmakers but I have even more exciting stuff!
I know you’re saying to yourself by now “Oh my GAWD! How many amazing things can Nikki throw at me right now?” but I warned you that I’ve been busy and there’s been a lot going on so knock it off!
So this is pretty cool on a personal level. A fellow filmmaker, Tonjia Atomic, sells some really cool jewelry on Etsy and along the way, she’s decided to dedicate a few things to fellow females in the horror genre. I was one of the lucky ones and I couldn’t be any happier with the ones she chose to name after me! I think it’s awesome and I’m so thankful to her for doing this. Please stop by and check out her stuff and maybe even pick up an item or two for yourself or some lucky lady in your life if you can because she’s awesome.
On what may seem like a bit of bad news, although it’s not, my script deal with the French Production company has fallen through, although, the reason it’s not bad news is because right before that happened, I got hit up by an American producer who is impressed with my work so I’m going to be seeing what’s going to happen there. It means that some of my travel plans will be put on hold for just a little bit but Phuket is not off the table yet. I’m still determined to get there and I know I will as soon as it’s supposed to happen.
I also want to thank Brionny Kidd for allowing me to participate in the 10 by 10 horror script competition. I’m so pleased with my submission and I couldn’t have had a better secret word to work with! It was perfect for what I wanted to do and now I just have to wait for the judges to tell me that I won. I say it like that because I’m confident and I know I’ll win something. Besides, everyone that read the script thinks it’s pretty bad ass, and then there’s the whole NLP/LOA thing I can’t wait!
And to wrap this up in a nice little package with a bow on top, I just want to congratulate my good friend Michael Perlin whose film ‘3 Magic Words‘ has been picked up by Warner Brothers for distribution! You go boy! That is almost unheard of for an indie filmmaker and especially for a spiritual/conscious living documentary but he did it and I couldn’t be more proud or happy for him! I’m so fortunate I knew him before he got famous
So that’s all for now folks! I think there’s plenty for you to absorb but let me just say how grateful I am right now! I’m so thankful for so much at the moment and everything that the Universe is bringing my way! Thank you everyone! So much love!
… but it took a few for it to sink in. So instead of bragging tooooo much I’ll just post the press release and just gently mention that I’m super freakin’ proud of myself for winning ‘Best Director’ and for becoming an International Award Winning Filmmaker all at once!
And yes that’s a still from the film above. Here it is:
Winners of the 2012 Vancouver Viscera Film Festival
The Viscera Film Festival’s Inaugural Showing in Vancouver was a resounding success. The Winners were announced and awards presented on stage following the screenings.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
PRLog (Press Release) - Jan 16, 2012 -
VANCOUVER –CANADA— Friday the 13th has come and gone, and though this inauspicious day may have inflicted bad luck on others, it gave nothing but good fortune to the Rio Theatre. There Curio Media, with the assistance of IRL Events, delivered a showing of the 2012 Viscera Film Festival, an eerie extravaganza of short horror films created by female filmmakers. And the results were impressive. Here are the awards for the Vancouver showing of the 2012 Viscera Film Festival.
The festival was hosted by special guest Fiona Forbes of Urban Rush and sponsored by Super Channel and PacBlue Printing, with prominent appearances by two of the talented filmmakers featured in the festival – Karen Lam and Lori Bowen. The films themselves were judged by Bill Hurst, Telefilm Canada Executive, and Rachel Talalay, director of such films as Tank Girl, Ghost in the Machine, and Freddy’s Dead: the Final Nightmare.
Though each of the films at Viscera was a unique and chilling display of its particular artists’ vision, a few of them stood out in particular ways and were acknowledged as follows:
Best Creature – The disquieting zombie-esque figure who haunted Marichelle Daywalt’s “The Many Doors of Albert Whale.”
Best Blood Bath – The blood flowed fast in “Adventure Girls” by Dara Jade Moats, Dan Emery, and Jon Deitcher, a tribute to Japanese splatter films.
Best Cinematography – The juxtaposition of picture-book narration and ghoulish visuals in Helen Komini Olsen’s “Daddy’s Girl.”
Best Film Title – The adorably alliterative “Blood Bunny,” Molly Madfis’s cut-out animated tale of the Easter Bunny’s bloody vengeance.
Best Performance (Male) – David Lewis, whose serial killer suffered a very bad day in Karen Lam’s “Doll Parts.”
Best Performance (Female) – Victoria Winge, who starred as the sweet, naïve young murderess in Helen Komini Olsen’s “Daddy’s Girl.”
Best Screenplay – Emily Carmichael’s “The Ghost and Us,” a comedic exploration of a time when dead love just wouldn’t stay dead.
Best Director – Nikki Wall for “Box,” the story of a pregnancy delivered from a dark source and the horrifying abortion that resulted from it.
Honorable mention was given to Briony Kidd for “The Room at the Top of the Stairs,” where a young artist moved into a new house and becomes obsessed with the strange young woman who used to rent her room.
And last, but certainly not least….
Best Film – Laura Whyte’s “Nursery Crimes,” a mixed-media animated short about the crimes an insane Bo Peep committed against the inhabitants of the Land of Mother Goose, all told through charming rhyme.
Honorable mention was given to Mae Catt’s “12/15/1996,” where two serial killers worked-out their emotional issues in their own darkly dysfunctional fashion.
As that night’s event proved, the bar has been raised for indie films, and women filmmakers deserve a place at the horror genre’s bloodstained table as much as their male counterparts do. The female mind often has a freshly different perspective from the male one, but a perspective no less open to tales of terror. The horror genre deserves new blood and new ideals, provided by new voices with new visions. Such blood was amply demonstrated on Friday the 13th, with Viscera’s truly “visceral”extravaganza.
About Viscera Film Festival
Viscera is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization committed to expanding opportunities for contemporary female horror filmmakers and educating the public by raising awareness of the changing roles for women in the film industry. http://www.viscerafilmfestival.com.
About Curio Media
Curio Media is a digital media and entertainment company that promotes and distributes carefully curated film, television, art and web series created by female filmmakers and artists focusing primarily on horror, sci-fi, and dark fantasy genres. http://www.curio-media.com.
For more information about this event, such as press materials or to request an interview, contact AdaPia d’Errico of Curio Media at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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Curio Media is a digital media and entertainment company that promotes and distributes carefully curated film, television, art and web series created by female filmmakers and artists focusing primarily on horror, sci-fi, and dark fantasy genres.
I just saw an episode of Anderson Cooper today that did not sit well with me. The topic was teenage sexuality and so called abstinence and purity programs as opposed to safer sex education. Of course the most passionate opinions and the ones that refused to have an open mind on the topic was the abstinence crowd. So why did that bother me? I’m going to try to address it in an organized way but my mind is running a million miles per hour on this subject so here goes ’nuffin’:
As a mother of a beautiful little girl who is facing puberty head on, this is a topic her father and I have addressed repeatedly. I for one do not believe that us insisting on her abstinence is the answer to our concerns. The answer, as far as I’m concerned, should be focusing on her value as a human, what she has to offer the world as a whole, her spirituality, education and her self image in a world that is spiraling quickly down the fashion and outer appearance rabbit hole. I believe that if I teach my daughter that her value is in who she is as a person and how she interacts with others and what she has to offer as a dynamic soul is far more important than constantly hovering on her sexuality, which should also be addressed with equal importance, but not of singular importance.
As I watched the parents on the stage talk about what a gift their daughters’ virginity would some day be to their husband, I was relieved to hear an opponent of their argument say what I was thinking which was how this is simply perpetuating the belief that a woman’s value is solely based on her sexuality and her body. How can loving parents want to imply this to their daughters? This is the same mentality that has 16 year old girls scrambling for breast implants, spray tans and bottles of bleach instead of embracing their natural and inner beauty. Shouldn’t we teach our daughters that the gifts they can someday give to their husbands or wives (hopefully we’ll come to that as well) or anyone else in the world is their heart, their positive energy, dedication, devotion, true love and all those other qualities that not only make a relationship stronger and healthier but also make sex better? By telling your children that their virginity is a gift that they can give to someone, we’re also telling them that their body and sexual acts are far more important than any other spiritual, emotional or intellectual gift they can give to their relationships, marriages, partners or anyone else for that matter.
Another ‘point’ they made on the show is that by throwing these ‘purity balls’ they’re encouraging fathers to take an active role in their daughters’ relationship and sexual choices. Shouldn’t that be a given? Do you have to hold a costly event that won’t even call in the ones that need it to get fathers to play an active role in their daughters’ lives? As I evaluate my relationship with my daughter’s father, the one thing I can be grateful for is that he is a very loving father and does want to protect her and spends the majority of his days doing things for her in person or otherwise, always striving to be the best father possible. That was one thing I did right this time. I am so grateful for him being that way. We have both made mistakes but at the end of the day, we can high five each other, even if we’re walking away from each other for good, knowing that we have done an AMAZING job with our little girl and that we will always work as a good team to make sure she’s got everything she wants or needs plus more. The very fact that events like this have to take place is sad though, and the very thought that these men are perpetuating the sexual objectification of their little girls makes me want to shake them.
Next point I’d like to address is the myth that abstinence is the only 100% fool proof means of preventing pregnancies, diseases, etc. In this world, as sad as it may seem, there is no fool proof means because we still have to be concerned about rape, incest, molestation, etc. Telling girls that this is a safe means gives them a false sense of security that its impossible for them to get pregnant or catch anything, and yes it has and does happen on a regular basis because they’re not taught otherwise. Then, by also adding the beliefs from above, creates a more detrimental lasting affect on them should any of these horrid atrocities happen to them. If your virginity is all you’re worth and any of these horrible things happen to you, now you have the same of that victimization, but you also have the issue of their further damaged psyche struggling with the belief that they’re worth nothing now because they’re tainted. What an awful thing to do to someone that is already hurt and damaged in other ways. How much longer will it take that young girl to heal from those additional, but unnecessary, scars inflicted on her? Do you think she’ll ever have a healthy sexual outlook again?
This was the best! How can a teenage girl figure out who she is if she’s being distracted by sex with boys? Are you serious? A woman actually said that a girl’s teenage years should be used for self discovery of who she is and should not distract herself from that with sex. Now let me just preface what I’m about to say with the fact that I’m not promoting, nor do I approve of, hypersexuality, sex addiction or any other dysfunctional sexual activity in anyone, especially teenagers. That being said, how can anyone in their right mind say that a girl cannot possibly experience true self discovery if she is sexually active? I find that to be the most far fetched statement out of almost all of them. I think it’s actually quite the opposite! That intimacy we experience with others is a true indicator of our desire or need for others in our life and what sorts of people we’d like to experience those things with. I’m not saying that teenagers should have a free pass to run out and start sleeping with everyone, but there is a reason for the hormones experienced and while we tend to be quite ethnocentric in our belief systems, I don’t believe that the age of consent should be where it is nor should we be sitting so blindly and adamantly against teenage sexuality.
I believe that if we raise our children with a strong sense of self respect, confidence, value and sense of self, as well as imbuing them with spirituality, not religion, we’re giving them the tools to make the wisest decisions for themselves at that time. Even with that statement I could run off on a wild rabbit trail about presence in the moment and how all experiences are positive even if we don’t perceive them as such at the time, but I’ll force myself to stay on topic for the moment. As a parent, I don’t focus my concerns for my daughter on her inevitable sexuality. For that matter it already exists and can be seen in the way she reacts and responds by blushing when she sees a ‘cute’ boy at the grocery store and how she interacts with them at parks and so forth. Our sexuality is ever present in us (also another argument about homosexuality, bisexuality and transgender people being born that way, but again I’ll stop myself from jumping on that rabbit trail) from a very young age. Obviously, you can see that I am a firm believer that nature takes precedence over nurture when it comes to things like this. I do still, however, believe that it can be influenced by nurture and so we must be responsible about it with our children.
As a teenager I was sexually active, probably more so than most would think I should have been, and yes it did end up in a teenage pregnancy, but after all that happened, I still developed into a fairly decent person. I was raised in a very strict religious household with a mother who was apparently affected by that early on and while I love her dearly, and I know she’ll read this, I think we can both agree that many of the ways she acted out in as an adult had to do with her sheltered existence as a child growing up in the same church and the sheltered existence she lived even after marrying at 16 and continuing in that same church. Everything she did was to rebel against the rules that were placed on her by the people of that church that were far too restrictive and overbearing. I don’t believe that my daughter should be made to feel that exploring her sexuality in moderation and safely is something she should be chastised for. I believe that sheltering her from it is only giving her more reason to be curious of it and the less freedom she has as a spiritual individual is more reason for her to rebel.
I was always rather relaxed with my son and I can say I’m VERY proud of how he’s turned out. I never had an issue with my son doing drugs, being promiscuous, late for curfews or other problems the strictest households have with their teenagers. I had the teen boy that most people would have paid millions of dollars to experience and I’m so grateful for that. I’m also proud because I know it was because of myself and my daughter’s father who served as his dad during that time. Another high five for us. That being said, he was also open with me about his sexuality including concerns and insecurities and I’m proud of how self aware he is now because I allowed him to consider those things without being told it was a naughty or dirty subject that shouldn’t be discussed.
The answer, in my humble opinion, is not in religion, shame or an over-sheltered existence, but in freedom of spirituality. I do not believe that religion holds any of the keys to a healthy existence of any sort, again, another blog on another day. Specifically, however, when it comes to teenage sexuality I think any sort of ’holy’ book should be brought into the discussion. I wish more people would understand this and I do believe that it will be the case before long. I just hope that our kids can make it through in the meantime.
So here it is, let me have it or add your points to it. I know that I glossed over and even completely neglected some things here, but I’m posting a blog, not a novel. I’d love to hear your feedback.
Once in awhile I have a dream that is so vivid it’s hard to shake. When I wake up it haunts me all day. The other day I had one, a good one, but still hard to shake nonetheless. When I saw this this morning I almost passed out! It’s exactly the house that was in my dream! In the dream I was a few years older, I had just gotten out of the water and was a bit cold wrapped in a large towel, sitting on a chair outside. I was curled up in the chair with my knees up by my chest and someone came out and put their hand on my back. I got a warm chill, you know what I’m talking about, and felt relaxed. After that, there were small clips of me doing things in that house the rest of that night. I remember as I was lying down in the bed I could smell something really good and felt completely at peace as I watched out the window and someone had their arm around me, spooning me. Eventually, I woke up and felt so disappointed that I wasn’t there anymore. I kept thinking about it all day and part of the next.
Today, after randomly picking a passage out of a book, it referred to visualizing whatever it is that you desire, using vision boards and other visual aids and believing it will be there. The suggestion continued that you should look at things you want every day and say “yes I can afford that” and so forth. I haven’t been focusing on financial wealth with everything else. I sort of left it to the Universe and the Universe will take care of it. Taking the book’s advice, during some down time I decided to look at property in Phuket just out of curiosity. I saw this after several others and was absolutely shocked! I swear it was as frightening as seeing a ghost unexpectedly! I was so excited though that I had to share it here. I’m sure it will be purchased before it would be my turn with it but wow, amazing!
Let’s see how long it takes me to manifest this or better!
One of the biggest components of the Law of Attraction is enjoying yourself and finding happiness in any way you can. Find anything that makes you laugh and just get happy. Today, a friend of mine and I did just that by putting together a request of emoticons we thought should be added to the Skype emoticon library. We then asked some other friends that frequently use Skype for suggestions as well and this is the (slightly edited to keep this blog PG-13) letter that went out. We did this for sh*ts and giggles as they say, so please have a laugh where you see fit since some of them are genuine suggestions and others purely for our own amusement.
I’ve wanted to write this letter for some time now. As a regular user of your wonderful platform, I have some suggestions that I feel may improve the Skype experience, and wanted to run them by you. There are a few emoticons myself and others believe would make our chat time more pleasurable and entertaining. We understand you may not be able to accomplish all of them in a short amount of time but we certainly hope that you’ll add as many as possible, as soon as possible. Thank you so much in advance.
Vulnerability is a funny thing. Most people see it as a negative state to be in, but it doesn’t have to be that way at all. Vulnerable is defined as:
vulnerable (ˈvʌlnərəb ə l)
capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt
open to temptation, persuasion, censure, etc
Now even the definition has a way of making it very negative but I have a way of looking at it differently and so do some others. What has to be taken into consideration is that when you’re vulnerable, it’s not just what we perceive to be negative, but also what we would perceive as positive that we are open to at that point in our existence. We’re in a spot where anything is possible.
What this brings to mind is Kaiser-Wilhelm-Gedächtniskirche in Berlin. For those unfamiliar with it, there is some background to understand. The church itself was a magnificent landmark in that was completed in 1891 and consecrated in 1895. It was designed to hold up to 2,000 people at any given time. In 1943 it was almost completely destroyed by a bomb during an air raid. Much of it was burned and the rest was rubble. Certainly, many would have thought to just clear the space and all the debris and leave it for something else later, however, the people of Germany took what was left and rebuilt it during the 1960′s using new materials along with much of the original debris and created what could be considered by some as more beautiful landmark in its place that still serves a wonderful purpose. That memorial now means much more to the people of Germany and hundreds of thousands of tourists every year. It was vulnerable, it was destroyed which may have been perceived as bad, however, after it was rebuilt, it was just as strong if not stronger than before and is still beautiful and now serves an even higher purpose.
When our lives are what we perceive to be vulnerable or destroyed, we have a choice to rebuild or not, but by picking up those beautiful pieces left over out of the rubble, we can create something stronger and more magnificent. If more people saw it this way they may be more open to vulnerability. That includes saying goodbye, quitting a job that doesn’t feel right for us anymore, leaving a relationship, starting a new venture or just making the leap into anything new that we don’t know enough about. We are making ourselves vulnerable in a way and at times completely deconstructing or completely “destroying” our former life, but in the end, with a bit of personal will, intent and positive energy, we have the ability to create something even more spectacular than before.
Recently, at a Law of Attraction workshop I regularly attend, we discussed unsettled moments in life. Those moments where we are perceiving something as ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ and have to take a mental time out and cry it out or hit a pillow or something of that nature. We all have unsettled moments in our life because no matter how positive we are and how much we practice creative visualization and manifesting our desires, we cannot keep everyone and everything permanent as a fixture. Pets and people die and that is out of our control. Natural disasters occur which is also beyond our control. If we’re focused on our well being prior and during these events and believe that the best will come of it, then it will, and that is how those inspiring stories of renewal and personal growth come from.
To try to put it into other terms, think of how a seed begins. The hull of the seed is the strong protection for the potential inside. When we plant a seed, that hull has to break apart and release in order for the beauty of what is to come to be able to bloom. Whether it’s a flower or a tree, there is beauty to be had in every single seed and like those seeds, we have a hull of bad habits, unhealthy life patterns, maybe even oppressive relationships, addictions or simple excuses, making what’s inside vulnerable, until something beautiful can blossom from it. Sometimes it’s as simple as a relationship that simply isn’t inspiring anymore, that doesn’t motivate us to better ourselves or a friendship that places us in a position where we feel censored to be ourselves. It doesn’t have to be anything drastic for it to be something that no longer serves us as a growing soul. When we start to blossom into this new beautiful creation, the parts of our spiritual hull that are left will either prevent that part of us from ever fully blossoming or we simply decide to push it off. It’s your choice.
We are all vulnerable at all times. In spite of what false senses of security people wrap themselves up in, a meteor could come out of the sky at any point in time, the love of your life could be killed in a minute, your home could be destroyed in a fire, our money lost in the stock market or any other number of things could be taken from us in an instance taking away our sense of security quicker than a flash and all we’re left with only our self. If our self is in a position of being willing to allow vulnerability, sometimes even manifesting it into our lives, we then have a much stronger sense of peace around us during those times, allowing us to be more creative in our visualization and manifestation.
Vulnerability should never be feared. The fear of it is one of the many things that was programmed into us among many other rules our ‘teachers’ tried to push on us. You are an individual and no individual can comfortably fit into a box with billions of others under one set of rules. Spread your wings, take off and see where the flight takes you. Yes you’re vulnerable, but in that vulnerability anything, and I do mean anything, can happen!
Since YouTube is being a bit snippy right now, feel free to just click this link and listen to this song while you read this hit repeat if you must. It’s a good song and it’s the mood I’m in right now.
If 70% of the American population has either witnessed or admits to having seen what they believe to have been an extraterrestrial UFO, why do I still get funny looks when I say I’m a Ufologist?
With billions of people believing in reincarnation, why do I still get funny looks when I say I feel as if my soul came from somewhere else?
Why do men think a woman would ‘be more comfortable’ in a g-string? Is it supposed to be more comfortable for me knowing your penis can get at me quicker or more comfortable having the piece of string up my crack all day?
If you have nothing to hide, why can’t you answer the question?
What is star jelly, really?
How did the Dogons know about the Sirius star system having three stars thousands of years before astronomers and they still don’t get any credit?
How can we continue to let our government do what it’s doing and systematically destroy our country by allowing corporations to control it and no one is doing a thing?
Why do so many people fail to see the simplicity of life and why is it so hard for people to accept?
When did materialism ever work for the betterment of a population in the long run?
Will I ever allow myself to be in a relationship again?
Who started the process of brainwashing humanity into thinking that certain rules applied to all of us and why did they do it?
Why are you more comfortable here?
Why do people think bigger is always better?
The TV was just a symbol, but would I buy it if really given the chance?
When did the world decide that women built like pieces of art and shaped like the goddesses on the walls of ancient temples were no longer beautiful women and instead, anorexic twigs and women that are 90% fake on the surface become the new beautiful image of a woman?
When will we stop listening to religion and start listening to our souls?
When will you learn?
Why do so many focus on negative things so much of the time?
When will we stop killing each other?
Answers I’ve discovered within myself:
I’m much happier if I focus on my opinion of myself instead of my opinion of others or their opinion of me.
There’s almost NEVER a time for negativity and it will never better a situation.
I’m a huge fan of the occupations and it’s occupiers.
I don’t believe the term ‘environmental terrorists’ is a fair name to place on people trying to protect our planet.
I have so much to be grateful for.
I’m a fan of accents and it doesn’t matter where they’re from.
The people in my life who I didn’t even think of as ‘expats’ I’m starting to notice are pretty cool people.
By practicing presence in the moment, encouraging positive attitudes, speech and actions in myself and those around me, I am overall a much happier individual and truly problems seem to melt away.
Contemplation truly IS the highest form of existence.
We all have free will and a mission, a gift, a talent, a message, or a betterment for the world inside of us that was intended to be shared.
I definitely have a long ‘to do’ list building up that needs to be completed prior to my death.
I am God. You are God. We are God. Together we are united by one Source.
I can commune with the universe.
Quantum physics rule!
If given the chance, I would finish my life out on Mars or the Moon.
Women are pretty amazing.
I am a beautiful person with so much to share with the world.
I’ll die before ever being able to read everything there is to read so I will no longer obsess on it.
I am a naturally social creature who will always desire the attention, stimulation, knowledge, wisdom, conversation and love of other human beings.
I am finally in a place where I am perfectly comfortable being alone with myself.
Rear view mirrors serve absolutely no purpose in my vehicle of life.
Nothing is permanent and I accept change as a vessel for creating something even more beautiful next time or experiencing something entirely new.
Whether I believe I can or can’t, I am right.
Gratitude is the single most important quality to possess within yourself.
When I follow my heart and my dreams, amazing things happen.
I am naturally drawn to creative people because I have been holding back my own creativity and they are pulling it out of me now and I am creating wonderful things.
I appreciate everyone that has come into my life no matter how it ended and am grateful for all of the lessons they taught me and the strength they gave me as well as the insight into myself when I was ready to accept it.
No one is perfect and it’s not my place to pressure them or request them to change before they are ready or willing and it is certainly not my place to judge if and when that should take place at all.
In closing, I leave you with one of the most powerful film sequences I’ve ever seen. I wish it was better quality but this is all I could come up with for now and yes, it’s from Life In A Day and you’ll just have to love it like I do :
Life In A Day… ahhh. Some of you may have seen this documentary and those of you who haven’t, definitely should, but wow. It seemed to come out right when I needed to see it. When I was questioning everything and didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do because I had a few options. There were so many things I was questioning and so many options right there before me. I had a lot to think about and this documentary brought me a lot of clarity in what my path was going to be. It might seem like an unlikely thing for most people to say but really, it’s when it was reaffirmed in me that what I really wanted to do was see the world and experience all of this first hand.
The film is just so beautiful and leave it to me to find something I love and find out later that Ridley Scott had something to do with it, but there we go again. So if you haven’t already pulled it up on your on demand, let me tell you what it is. Simply put, it’s a compilation of videos made by people all over the world on July 24, 2010. It spans everything from the birth and death of people and animals to celebrations, accomplishments, events, etc. What is really amazing is that there are billions of people on this Earth, most of them just stuck in their own little bubble forgetting the bigger picture, and this really takes you out there and pops that bubble and says “LOOK AT WHAT’S GOING ON!!” There’s so much beauty and sadness all at once. So many things to be exhilarated by and so many others that need to be fixed. So much to see, so much to do… why are we just wasting away on our couches? Money? Money is abundant. You just have to be smart about it. Time? Time is infinite but you have to do the most with each lifetime. Children? Don’t you think kids should see the world too and get that perspective early on? I do! A relationship? I believe our relationships should push us and challenge us, not hold us back and not tie us down.
If you have dreams, goals or just desires, and you’re not following them because of excuses you’ve made for yourself, its time to get out of that rut. It doesn’t matter how old or young you are, it doesn’t matter what society tells you that you are obligated with, it doesn’t matter what the rules are! Visualize what you want, know it’s going to happen and then get to work! Five minutes a day towards your goal is more than most people will ever put to theirs so what are YOU waiting for? Do it!
There you have it. I am so tempted to rant for a bit but when I get on those rabbit trails, I think I lose people’s interest. Haha! Either way, this is where I brag and say that I have to write my lawyer in regards to the script contract negotiations and then hit up the producer for the commercials I’m directing later this month Total snob, right?
Well in closing, this video seemed appropriate considering the topic at hand and the documentary mentioned. Now, go meditate!
I’m so looking forward to Thailand right now. I can’t wait to get there at this point. A part of me is sad to go, admittedly, but there’s another part of me that is just ready to take on the world and wishes I was leaving today. I’m ready!
It’s funny how a little self reflection can show you such embarrassing things about yourself. It can also bring out some amazing realizations and qualities about yourself. I’ve been enjoying both sides of it lately. It’s good to be able to laugh at yourself. No regrets. Instead of regretting, I’ve started to truly practice what I always preached which is to be grateful for every situation that I’ve been in because it’s strengthened me and taught me so much.
So right now I’m feeling a bit of a RAWR in me and ready to go out and use it. It’s about time I showed the world what girl power is all about. That being said, get out there if you’re in Vancouver and go see my film, ‘Box’, along with a whole boat load of horror films directed by amazing women like Lori Bowen, Karen Lam, Brionny Kidd and others. All the details are here about the Viscera Film Festival in Vancouer, BC so be there or be… whatever you want to be.
But back to what I was saying about girl power? Yeah, I’m feeling it and I’ve felt it for a long time but allowed myself to be confined into society’s little boxes pre-planned for me, which don’t work so it’s time to go out and take on the baddie of the world… the big corporations, the whalers, the depraved and all the negative jerks out there, etc. I can do it and I can make the world a better place. No matter what anyone thinks, I can do it.
I wanted this whole blog to end up with this video and lo and behold the video owner, who ironically is probably not the owner of the footage or the song, has disabled embedding so I’m just going to have to give you the link to this video which I felt was appropriate for this post.
So it’s all been building up to this. It’s the first of the year, welcome to 2012. What a great time to talk about what I’ll be doing with the last year of human existence (as we know it). I guess you can just look at it as my way of telling everyone at once instead of having to tell the story over and over again. What a pain that would be. There’s a couple of parts to this so you just have to be patient with me.
So the first part of this is that I have to say my husband has been one of the most amazing people in the world and a great influence on my life in a very positive way. To even try to list all the way’s he’s helped me in my life and how much he’s done for me would be almost impossible. I’d have to write a book. It’s an understatement to say that both of us have done so much for each other. We’ve shared a very special relationship and one that I’m more than grateful for. He is a great father and an amazing artist in all mediums, talented, handsome, has a great sense of humor and is one of the best people I will ever meet.
Over the years, like a lot of couples do, we grew farther and farther apart. We haven’t been enemies or anything of that sort and of course we had arguments like every couple does and said things we didn’t mean, etc. but we’ve always loved and respected each other when it comes down to it. The love changed like everything else though, and eventually we found ourselves acting more like best friends, roommates, business partners, and such as opposed to a married couple so at this point we’re taking some time apart. There’s not a whole lot to say about that at this point other than we are still friends and working together to make sure we spend an equal amount of time with our daughter and that we do what is in all our best interests and keep things peaceful.
That being said however, there are other reasons it all went down like this. Each of us has things we are pursuing right now, bigger dreams and goals than what we’ve really helped each other to achieve and really can at this point. One of my goals for a long time has been to spend some time in Thailand. I don’t know why but I’ve always felt a spiritual pull there and in Peru among some others. In addition to a lot of other travelling I’ll be doing this year, I’ve decided to relocate for a time to Phuket in Thailand. Before you freak out, know that it’s not permanent.
My decision was based on the fact that it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time and the fact that there’s no better time than now to do something. I’ll be skyping with my daughter every day, having her there, hopefully as much as possible, but at least several months of the year and its something she’s perfectly fine with. She’s actually excited about it because she’s wanted to travel for awhile now too. The two of them will be able to come and visit whenever they want to and it will be an inexpensive and peaceful place for me to ‘come home’ to after each of my other trips.
The original plan was to go to the UK as I talked to some of my friends about but I realized that what was waiting for me there was something I should hold off on for awhile. I really wanted to make sure I was following my path as I had intended and not veer off anymore and if what is there is for real then it will still be there later or might show up in Phuket on it’s own. Yeah.
So there it is. The first day of the year and I’m getting ready to make the craziest move I’ve ever made in my whole life! I’m so excited right now and feel so good about it! I have been looking at houses and apartments there through some local real estate agents and I know exactly which few square miles I’ll be living in but not sure about the place yet. I’ll be attending a Thai language school and culture course, living right on the beach, working and writing like I am now. In a total paradise.
So there you have it. I’ll be updating more on this but this is the big announcement. I can’t even tell you how happy and excited I am and how much I’m looking forward to this So much good stuff is gonna happen this year. I leave you with an appropriate video as far as what I’ve been feeling like to doing to pedophiles lately and of course the title. Enjoy!
So there’s less than an hour left, in my time zone anyway, before the year ends. It’s pretty crazy to think about how fast 2011 went by and at the same time it seems like it went by so slowly. Mostly because I was in a contemplative state this year. That’s the only way I can really explain it. I was trying to sort things out and weighing out all of my options.
I’ve put a lot on hold for others my whole life and all my relationships have always overlapped. Through contemplation, meditation, some yoga, practicing the Law of Attraction and other forms of enlightenment I’ve come to the conclusion that all of my insecurities and fears were all ego based and primarily based on my desire to please others. I craved acceptance, I craved a ‘place to belong’ no matter where or how I found it and in the past I’ve made some really bad decisions because of that.
The need for acceptance and a place to belong, however, are strictly ego driven desires when one can’t find acceptance for themselves and a place in their own soul. That’s the bottom line. It is none of your business what anyone else thinks of you and all we have to do is make sure that we approve of ourselves and we can embrace that soul inside of us. This is not a religious idea but a cosmological idea, although, I’m sure there is a lot in many religions that probably says to find that with ‘God’. I see ‘God’ as Source. Source is the one energy we all connect to and those thoughts we put out there and they are manifested as such because we are all a part of that Source energy. If you’re always worrying about debt, you’ll get more debt and if you focus on abundance, you’ll have abundance. The past two years have proved that to me more than ever, but there was more I had to learn and prove to myself.
For about the last decade or so I’ve been in a relationship that I am so grateful for. It has taught me so much about myself, my interaction with people, what my real dreams and goals are and I had a partner that was able to give me a little of everything. Love, lust, motivation, desire, laughs, comfort, acceptance and so many other positive things. He has meant the world to me and we’ve created a beautiful daughter in the process and we raised an amazing son who is now just about a man himself. Through it all, we were a team until about the last year when I was the one that started to ‘contemplate’ and really started looking deeper within myself and answering questions I didn’t want to face before that. It’s taken some time for me to give into my fears and look inside and admit to myself with ultimate honesty what was ‘wrong’ with me and what I needed to change as well as all the good things about myself too.
So I’ve made some decisions and I’m tying up loose ends but here are some things that I’ve learned about myself and the world around me:
The only rules or boundaries I am required to follow are those I put on myself.
I am free to push those boundaries at any time and should as often as possible in the most positive direction for me.
In spite of what the world has tried to tell me, the only person whose opinion counts is mine.
If I move forward with love in my heart and make my decisions based on love, I will always benefit in a positive manner.
I can do anything I want to do without the limitation of my perceptions of my own weakness because I believe instead that I am strong, therefore I can move forward like Hanuman delivering the mountain to Rama.
I can take the broken pieces of anything in my life and turn them into a beautiful tribute.
I am a person full of dimension and layers and I can be soft or hard and blissful or unsettled, as long as I take a positive lesson from the experience of those.
I can make an abundance of wealth by pursuing activities and dreams that are the most fundamental to my higher self.
The Universe is my best friend and I am a beautiful magician within it.
I will always have an abundance of love and acceptance when I choose to surround myself with the right types of people or simply listen to my higher self in moments of meditation.
There is more to come, but for now I’m off to ring in the new year. I leave you with a song that I am enjoying right now.
When it comes to break ups, it never ceases to amaze me how crappy people can be. Why do break ups have to be nasty? I have never thought they should be, but if you’re gonna play dirty, expect to get mud in the face.
What really surprises me, however, are the vultures that come flocking, not because they care, not because they are ready to be the one to pick up the pieces, but because they see a vacancy sign on someone’s heart and simply crave attention and someone to take care of them. Doesn’t the damaged one deserve someone that would take care of them?
No matter what, I will always defend the ones I love and just because its time to move on does not mean that I no longer have love in my heart for that person. It may mean that I just see that one or both of our lives may be better served with some time and space apart. So when I see someone being opportunistic of a situation and taking advantage of someone I care about, don’t expect me to just stand aside and let it happen. My motivations are out of love, believe it or not.
Don’t be a dirty chick. Just don’t do it.
We all need a rebound once in awhile, but rebounds don’t have to be people. They can be a new form of spirituality, a new hobby, a brief tryst with something crazy you’ve always wanted to do. Take the negative and turn it into something positive. Surround yourself with supportive people and situations. Things that inspire. Things that push you to make yourself a better person because none of us are perfect and always have room for growth. Always.
Random thought: why is it that there are so many cultures can find beauty and inspiration and happiness, even bliss at times, in the simplest things in life and we as Americans can’t have a basic human respect for each other more often than not? Despicable.